Gratitude and Privilege and in Hebrew Hakarat Hatov and Z’chut

Ethan's graduation University of Wisconsin, Madison 2018

Wednesday, December 19th was my 2nd round of Chemo.  All went well. I am still wearing the Digni Cap during chemo, which freezes my head to 32 Degrees. It is not comfortable to say the least, but at the same time I am grateful for this new cooling technology, which helps to save your hair.  My goal was to have hair for Ethan’s graduation and I did. At my hospital I was able to participate and use this machine because a donor gave money for women to participate without having to pay out of pocket. I know that otherwise it would have been a very costly proposition. That’s a privilege I am benefiting from. For many other women, that kind of privilege would just be a dream.

This is how I feel all day during Chemo!

I have become so much more aware of my privilege, my Z'chut in other ways throughout my cancer journey. I live close to a wonderful hospital which I can access, due to my health insurance.  As I read in different online groups, I have realized that other women with cancer can not always afford their treatments, or pay their doctors’ bills. It is a terrible feeling to read these stories and recognize that a twist here, or a twist there and I could be in those women’s position. I don’t believe that in American, in 2018, that this should be a reality, but it is. What these same people must have gone through before the Affordable Care Act, I can’t even imagine. Thanks, Obama.

Through this all, I have worked to avoid acknowledging privilege as an exercise in guilt. Instead, I would rather express how grateful, Hakarat Hatov, I am for everyone and everything around me. I am grateful for all the support I have gotten from my family, friends and extended communities.  I had a delicious hot meal on Wednesday night, given by Denise and Jeff Goldberg, and Michelle Mutter and Rich Leonard after a long day spent with Arthur in the hospital. Wednesday morning my book club was graciously led by Lori Sagarin. I only hope they will still like me after being with such a professional. This Shabbat we look forward to a dinner from Cantor Arik Luck, Rachel Greenberg-Luck and their family! (to Sign up to help us out check out: https://my.lotsahelpinghands.com/community/inoneehrlich)

Special thanks to my sister, Wendy Shanker for coming in from St. Louis to make sure my parents and I are doing OK.  This blog would not be as well edited without Lital and Cole and this week they do their editing from Europe: Paris and Brussels.  Friends and family from far and near have checked in on me with a regularity which makes me feel so loved and cared for.

Fun weekend!

Cancer is not something anyone wants to hear or have as a diagnosis.  It is not a club you want an invite to, but it has been a reminder of what we too often take for granted. And even more importantly, it has shown me in real time that my family extends far beyond our Shabbat table. I am grateful to live among such family. Shabbat Shalom!