Shabbat Shalom. Thank you, Makom Solel Lakeside, Rabbi Serotta, Rabbi Moffic, Cantor O’brien for having this first Cancer Awareness Shabbat and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts.
These past 2 weeks, on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, when we recited Unetanah Tokef, which translates to “We shall ascribe holiness to this day” it was not easy for me. Here are some verses which I am sure you will recognize:
On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed - how many shall pass away and how many shall be born, who shall live and who shall die, who in good time, and who by an untimely death, who by water and who by fire, and so on.
I have always thought about this prayer as my empty stomach begins to grumble. But this year it was different. It was difficult for me to recite this central prayer. In fact, I couldn’t get the words out despite being very familiar with it.
I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 11 months ago. That diagnoses changed more than a few things in my life, and, this Yom Kippur, the changes in my mindset really came into focus.
Unetanah Tokef is an uncharacteristically literal piyut, poem in our liturgy. It was composed during the Byzantine period about 330 to 1453 CE. There were hundreds of these piyutim from this time but this is the one which survived and made it into our High Holy Day Machzor. (thank you, Cantor Jay, for this input)
Putting myself in their shoes, I wonder how the community of that time period felt reciting Unetanah Tokef. “Who by famine and who by thirst? Who by earthquake and who by famine” are literal questions that may seem distant for us, as we worry about being “that guy who replies-all to an email thread,” (full transparency, that’s me!) but for our ancestors these were real concerns.
Unfortunately, the climate crisis is bringing back some of these concerns, but that is another sermon for another day.
For me, living out my cancer diagnosis, I felt for the first time like I got it: Death, and the struggle to avert it, isn’t theoretical for any of us. It’s our reality.But the High Holy Days are not days of suffering or reality without healthy doses of hope. No matter what you have done, the poet tells us, the severe decree‑-the penalty of death‑can be averted. We can follow the advice of the sages, “Three things cancel the decree, . . . prayer, tzedakah and repentance”
Trust me, I know that my cancer is a journey. As I stand here today, I know that the power of prayer and the power of community continues to be a source of my hope. I’d like to take to share how the power of this community has come to life for me during the past year.
I stated in my first blog post, (if you don’t have it you can find it at: In One Ehrlich), I mentioned that beyond your good wishes another way of supporting me and other friends, congregants and people who are going through cancer is through fulfilling the obligations outlined in the prayer we say in morning services: Eilu d'varim sh’ain l'hem shiur, these are the things you can do without measure: going to services, studying, and committing deeds of loving kindness. Experiencing this community coming together to add to all of our Jewish journeys has brought me incredible happiness and gives me another form of hope, so please be sure to continue to let me know what mitzvot you have been doing and which mitzvot when you did it surprised you the most!
And that’s not the only place my community has come together to help us on this journey. My family joins me in thanking everyone who donated, brought meals, ran errands for us, visited, sent beautifully written cards and emails with words of hope and encouragement, gift cards for meals and the list goes on. This form of Tzedakah, while I cannot medically prove it helped put my cancer in remission, it certainly did bring comfort to my family, knowing that we had all of your support. The response to my news was and continues to be overwhelming.
And through it all, last week I was able to give my own form of Tzedakah in the form of a visit to a Makom Solel Lakeside member when I delivered a Shabbat meal. It felt so good to give back after so many who have supported me, and I even felt like myself again when preparing and delivering this meal.
I always caution people NOT TO GOOGLE this disease, or any other cancer. The one place I CAN tell you to google is Sharsheret. Sharsheret, Hebrew for "chain," is an American not-for-profit organization intended to support Jewish women with breast or ovarian cancer, or a genetic predisposition to it, and their families. I am not sure if you know, but due to a higher prevalence of a BRCA mutation, Ashkenazi Jews have a higher risk of developing not just breast and ovarian cancer but also pancreatic cancer. Knowledge is power, especially when it means catching cancer early, I am so glad to thank Sharsheret for all their help and support. Tonight, at the Oneg you will see information from Sharsheret, you can see the spelling of the organization to better google it.
This summer I was so happy to spend my annual 2 weeks of rejuvenation at our Summer camp, Olin Sang Ruby Union Institute. I was able to participate in Face Paint Friday by painting my bald head. Pictures in my blog. I also decided to do a personal mitzvah and went to the Mikveh, the Jewish ritual bath after getting the news that there was no evidence of disease in my body. Many people go to the Mikveh before they convert, or before their wedding, like my daughter Lital. There are other reasons to go to the Mikveh, including when you are transforming from one phase of life to another. When I went to the Mikveh it was a very emotional moment for me. The mikveh attendant had prepared personal healing prayers for me and as the water washed over me, I cried.
Now as many of you know I am a public crier. I readily admit this. I cry when I introduce a Holocaust survivor to speak to our community, I cried when I charged our confirmation students. But I do not usually cry about myself. This time it was very cleansing both inside and out to go to the Mikveh. Like hearing Unetakah tokef earlier this week, I felt the reality of mortality at the Mikveh.
I can’t miss an opportunity to talk Torah. Our parasha, portion this week is Haazeinu, meaning to listen. The passage from this parasha is commonly known as Shirat HaMosheh, the song of Moses. Cantor Elizabeth Sacks points out to us:
We discover that Moses uses musical repetition here as a purposeful tool to deepen and accentuate the profundity of this moment. As he prepares to depart from their presence, Moses employs a haunting, recurrent chant to ensure that the Israelites will understand, feel connected to, recognize the contours of, and eternally remember the wisdom he has gleaned from his life’s work. In this instance, simplicity itself is what breeds strength and staying power.
We all know there is much to be done in the area of cancer research. I believe that we must keep repeating ourselves to get the message out, join groups like Sharsheret, have a Friday night service about cancer awareness and reach out to our community to those still going through treatment and their families. Just like when you hear Shabbat, High Holy day or our weekend day nusach, melodies, remind yourself to help someone who doesn’t feel well, donate to Sharsheret, investigate getting genetic testing, or just come to services and sing the Mishaberach prayer.
Thank you all for being here tonight and those of you who are with us by streaming our service. Please know that being part of a caring community is what helps me and many of us survivors get through the rough times and celebrate the good times.
Kein Yehi Ratzone,
May it be God’s will
Amen
