Do I love you? Do I WHAT?

Junior Year Abroad 1979 Hebrew University

I love watching musicals! I have watched them on broadway, at our local High School, middle school, camp; you name it. The quintessential musical, Fiddler on the Roof, I have probably seen over 50 times.  It was one of the first musicals my parents took us to see and Tevye was played by Herschel Bernardi.  

All the songs in this production are very recognizable including the dubious love duet song by Tevye and Golde:

Tevye: Do you love me?

Golde: Do I what?

Tevye: Do you love me?

Golde: Do I love you?

With our daughters getting married and this trouble in the town,You're upset. You want out. Go inside. Go lie down.Maybe it's indigestion.

Tevye: Golde, I'm asking you a question. Do you love me?

Golde: You're a fool!

Tevye: I know. But do you love me?

Golde: Do I love you? For twenty-five years, I've washed your clothes,Cooked your meals, cleaned your house, Given you children, milked the cow. After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

On March 4th I will turn 60, I have been married 34 and ½ years to Arthur, who will also turn 60 at the end of the month (on March 29). When you get married at age 25 you don’t really think about what will happen at age 59 if you are diagnosed with cancer.  Arthur and I met Junior year abroad  of college at Hebrew University in Jerusalem. He moved to Chicago so I could be near my family and I have to say now, I could not ask for a better partner, husband, father, and friend as we face this next chapter together. Arthur has rearranged his schedule numerous times to be with me at most of my chemo appointments, doctor appointments, procedure appointments and whatever has needed to be done.

He has told me I look good in all my new styles:  my new wig, my new scarves, and even with my shaved head.  I will say that he has been appreciative of all the food you have provided for us whether it came fr, or made sure we could we can eat from a lovely local restaurant.  

Now I can’t say that every day is argument free or without our disagreements, we are married after all.  In fact you can tell how things are going in our family by how many times I am forced to “google” the answer to one of our disagreements.  Occasionally, Arthur will admit he is just trying to make me google answers to our discussions at least once a day.

When I think back my our wedding on September 2nd, 1984, I remember how my professor/Rabbi Nathaniel Stampfer married us in a very traditional service.  I was actually surprised when only Arthur said the Jewish formula of: Harei at mekudeshet li b’taba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Yisrael ("Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel"). When the bride consents, through her silent acceptance of the gift, a marriage has taken place, even if all other familiar aspects of the wedding are missing.

Vanessa and Arthur September 1984

I was taken off guard when I did not say that exact sentence back to Arthur but instead, Ani L’Dodi V’dodi Li, I am my beloved and beloved is mine.  I am still trying to remember if Rabbi Stampfer asked us if we would love each other through sickness and health. I am pretty sure he said these words to us and I can tell you that if he did not, we have lived out this truth for the past 6 months and feel confident and lucky as we look toward our future.  

Tevye: Then you love me?

Golde: I suppose I do.

Tevye: And I suppose I love you, too.

Together: It doesn't change a thing, but even so,

After thirty five years, it's nice to know

Lital and Cole August 2016

After almost 35 years of marriage, 4 children (one son in law) a fulfilling job and a wonderful life I find myself a very lucky women.  A Jewish greeting to someone who is having a birthday is: Ad Meah V’esrim, (May you live until 120, (the age of Moses) ). I think it is very significant that, for this birthday, if you add Arthur and my age together you get:  Meah V’esrim, 120!