Sharsheret Honoree D'var

This week I was honored as a Champion of Sharsheret.  If you have never heard of Sharsheret take a read here.  It was a wonderful evening for a fantastic cause. Thank you to everyone who donated and worked so hard on this evening. Here is my D'var Torah for the evening. 

Sharsheret May 10, 2023 5783

This week’s Torah portions, Behar-Bechukotai (from the Mountain and by my decrees) are rich with lessons that you’ll notice if you’re paying attention, but for the d’var Torah I am sharing tonight -- I’d like to turn to a practice that I have thought of frequently in these last five years --  Sefrot Ha-Omer, the counting of the Omer.  Tonight is the 35th day of the Omer, 5 weeks, --הַיּוֹם חֲמִשָּׁה וּשְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם שֶׁהֵם חֲמִשָּׁה שָׁבוּעוֹת לָעֹֽמֶר.

Hayom chamishah ushloshim yom shehem chamishah shavuot la-omer.

As I thought about being in Sefirot Ha-Omer I realized that cancer patients do quite a bit of counting. You can ask any survivor here and they will be able to tell you how many years/months/weeks or days they have been either in treatment or declared NED, No Evidence of disease. We count how many treatments we have yet to go and how many we have been through. We count the procedures we have had, the operations, infusions and other medical treatments. Our counting is medical, but also, like the Omer, meditative as we walk this journey.

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in November 2018 and from that date I began counting -- that is 4 years 11 months and 2 weeks of living with cancer. That diagnosis changed many things in my life and in the lives of my family and friends. For me, living out the winding journey of my cancer diagnosis, I recognize how precious each day, each season, each year can be.  I count them with joy. While some journeys are about introspection, this one -- like the communal act of counting the Omer -- has focused my gaze on the power of those around me, and tonight I’d like to share how the power of community has come to life for me during the past few years.

I made a decision when I was first diagnosed to share my journey through a blog. Feel free to check out InoneEhrlich where you can read my whole story. Jewish practice, by tradition, is communal and it was on my blog that I first mentioned that beyond good wishes, another way of supporting me, family, friends, and people who are going through cancer is through fulfilling the obligations from Eilu d’varim sh’ain l’hem shiru, which we say in our daily morning prayers. Unlike the Omer, and unlike the careful application of lifesaving drugs like tamoxafin, these are the things you can do WITHOUT measure: going to services, studying, committing deeds of loving kindness and visiting the sick.  This form of Tzedakah or gimilut chasadim brought comfort to my family and myself -- beyond measure and without count. 

I always caution people NOT TO GOOGLE ovarian cancer, or any other cancer.  The one place I ALWAYS tell everyone to google is Sharsheret.  Sharsheret, Hebrew for "chain".  We know that due to a higher prevalence of a BRCA mutation, Ashkenazi Jews have a higher risk of developing not just breast and ovarian cancer but also other cancers.  Knowledge is power, especially when it means catching cancer early. I am so glad to thank Sharsheret for all their help and support over the past 4 and half years. They matched me with a mentor, sent information, scarves and makeup to me.  This year I am proud to say I was asked to be on the long term strategic planning committee for Sharsheret and am able to give back with my time and energy.

In the summer of 2019, after 7 months of treatment and 3 sessions of chemo, surgery, 5 more sessions of chemo, I was able to ring the bell and was pronounced NED. I was glad to have that part of the counting over -- and a new part of my counting began. Though luckily, I was able to kick off a new season of counting reunited with my annual 2 weeks of rejuvenation at the URJ Summer camp, Olin Sang Ruby Union Institute. As part of this new season of counting, I decided to do a personal mitzvah and went to the Mikveh, the Jewish ritual bath after getting the good news.  The mikvah attendant prepared personal healing prayers for me and as the water washed over me, I cried. Like finishing counting the Omer, I felt a sense of completion -- and at the same time, I felt I had brushed up against my mortality and kept going -- all while counting.

Fast forward to May 2023. We are here together to raise money for such a good cause. It has been 3 years, 11 months and 2 weeks  in my journey since I rang the bell. Since I was diagnosed we have added two grandchildren to our family, both great additions and a wonderful way to keep counting in our family.  My father also died last year of pancreatic cancer, which I believe will eventually be listed as a “Jewish cancer” the same as breast and ovarian cancer.  While subtraction, his death is another soul we must count.

My family was with me for every counting and  journey marker.  Either Arthur, my husband, or my kids, Ethan and Lital, took me to my 8 hour chemo appointments. Jonathan made sure we had groceries and clean clothes. Thank you. I would be remiss if I did not thank Sharsheret for carefully planning tonight’s gala NOT to be on a night when the Boston Celtics are scheduled to play in the playoffs.  

Thank you to everyone who is here this evening.  I want to especially thank All the Rabbis, Cantors and Educators who are here this evening from the Reform community who support me all year long. With your support and interest Sharsheret will continue to serve our community and grow from strength to strength.

And now for the part of the evening where we need to do MORE counting and not just the Omer.  The Steinberg’s and I have laid out for you our connection to Sharsheret and we know many of you have made generous contributions in honor of us to Sharsheret and this evening.  IF however you were looking for ONE MORE chance to donate, we have the opportunity for YOU.  Please take out your phones, and text “CHAIN” to 50155 to send your donation. 

 Instructions are on the screens above!

Sharsheret’s financial subsidies help cover the cost of life changing services – 3D nipple tattoos, cold caps, and human hair wigs, or cancer related life necessities, like mortgage or rent payments, car repairs, or groceries. Sharsheret has received "seed" money for these subsidies to help women who call, and now we are looking to raise another $25k to meet the demand. As a woman who called, I am happy to speak with you personally if you’d like to hear more about how meaningful that support is. 

 

Every bit helps, you can send 18 which is the numerical equivalent Chai or life, Double chai, 10 times Chai is also great --

for those of you who's counting acumen skipped over multiplication, 10 TIMES Chai is 180, and to do 100 Times Chai, you just add a zero.

If you do not want to donate via text, staff is walking up and down the aisles with pledge cards, just raise your hand!

(pause)

While you are pulling out your phones and I am sure SOME of you have checkbooks still I want to share where your dollars will go –

The average subsidy that Sharsheret provides is $2,500. If we raise $25,000 tonight, we can help 10 women in need.

(pause)

Last fall a woman called Sharsheret because her car had broken down and she could not pay the mechanic’s bill, and without a car she could not drive to and from chemotherapy. Through Sharsheret’s financial subsidies Sharsheret was able to directly pay the mechanic $2,000, and the next week she was able to drive to treatment. If you choose to donate $2,000 tonight, you can sponsor the next woman who is in need.

(pause)

Every day new women call Sharsheret in need of a human hair wig during treatment. Each wig is valued at $750. If you choose to donate an additional $750 tonight, you will provide a wig to a woman in need.

(pause)

A quick note - if you’re having technical difficulties, don’t be shy! Raise your hand and a Sharsheret representative will come over and help you. This is too important to let technology get in the way!

I want to tell you about a woman who called Sharsheret last month who was hitting hard financial times due to her diagnosis – Sharsheret was able to support her by sending $500 for groceries for her family. If you and the person next to you each donate the $250 tonight, you can be the sponsor for the next woman who is in need.

(pause)

Last but not least – you may not know this but today is Eve’s birthday. She has spent the last 5 years dedicated to Sharsheret. For those of you who haven’t texted yet, let’s pledge $36 to celebrate Eve, our fearless leader in Chicago!

(pause)

We have hit 9,000 already tonight!!!!

Right now we have a waiting list of 15 women in the queue to receive financial subsidies from Sharsheret.

If we can reach our $25,000 goal, we can help the first 10 women move off of the wait list.

 

Sharsheret is an organization which was started by one woman connecting to another for support – 22 years later, how far we have come.  The money we raise tonight will help each woman and in addition her family, when she  picks up the phone to call Sharsheret, and will help us look into the future and as we learn more about cancer, who it affects and how we can help.

(If you got this far in my d'var and want to donate click here.)

With your support,  I know that support will be on the other end of that line when they call. Kein yehi ratzon. May it be God’s Will

Cancer Awareness Shabbat Ha-azeinu October 11, 2019

Shabbat Shalom.  Thank you, Makom Solel Lakeside, Rabbi Serotta, Rabbi Moffic, Cantor O’brien for having this first Cancer Awareness Shabbat and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts.

These past 2 weeks, on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, when we recited Unetanah Tokef, which translates to “We shall ascribe holiness to this day” it was not easy for me. Here are some verses which I am sure you will recognize:

 On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed - how many shall pass away and how many shall be born, who shall live and who shall die, who in good time, and who by an untimely death, who by water and who by fire, and so on.

I have always thought about this prayer as my empty stomach begins to grumble. But this year it was different.  It was difficult for me to recite this central prayer.  In fact, I couldn’t get the words out despite being very familiar with it. 

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 11 months ago. That diagnoses changed more than a few things in my life, and, this Yom Kippur, the changes in my mindset really came into focus.   

Unetanah Tokef is an uncharacteristically literal piyut, poem in our liturgy. It was composed during the Byzantine period about 330 to 1453 CE. There were hundreds of these piyutim from this time but this is the one which survived and made it into our High Holy Day Machzor. (thank you, Cantor Jay, for this input)

Putting myself in their shoes, I wonder how the community of that time period felt reciting Unetanah Tokef. “Who by famine and who by thirst? Who by earthquake and who by famine” are literal questions that may seem distant for us, as we worry about being “that guy who replies-all to an email thread,” (full transparency, that’s me!) but for our ancestors these were real concerns. 

Unfortunately, the climate crisis is bringing back some of these concerns, but that is another sermon for another day.

For me, living out my cancer diagnosis, I felt for the first time like I got it: Death, and the struggle to avert it, isn’t theoretical for any of us. It’s our reality.But the High Holy Days are not days of suffering or reality without  healthy doses of hope. No matter what you have done, the poet tells us, the severe decree‑-the penalty of death‑can be averted. We can follow the advice of the sages, “Three things cancel the decree, . . . prayer, tzedakah and repentance” 

(Genesis Rabba 44:12) 

Trust me, I know that my cancer is a journey.  As I stand here today, I know that the power of prayer and the power of community continues to be a source of my hope. I’d like to take to share how the power of this community has come to life for me during the past year.

I stated in my first blog post, (if you don’t have it you can find it  at:  In One Ehrlich),  I mentioned that beyond your good wishes another way of supporting me and other friends, congregants and people who are going through cancer is through fulfilling the obligations outlined in the prayer we say in morning services: Eilu d'varim sh’ain l'hem shiur, these are the things you can do without measure:  going to services, studying, and committing deeds of loving kindness. Experiencing this community coming together to add to all of our Jewish journeys has brought me incredible happiness and gives me another form of hope, so please be sure to continue to let me know what mitzvot you have been doing and which mitzvot when you did it surprised you the most!

And that’s not the only place my community has come together to help us on this journey. My family joins me in thanking everyone who donated, brought meals, ran errands for us, visited, sent beautifully written cards and emails with words of hope and encouragement, gift cards for meals and the list goes on. This form of Tzedakah, while I cannot medically prove it helped put my cancer in remission, it certainly did bring comfort to my family, knowing that we had all of your support. The response to my news was and continues to be overwhelming. 

And through it all, last week I was able to give my own form of Tzedakah in the form of a visit to a Makom Solel Lakeside member when I delivered a Shabbat meal.  It felt so good to give back after so many who have supported me, and I even felt like myself again when preparing and delivering this meal. 

I always caution people NOT TO GOOGLE this disease, or any other cancer.  The one place I CAN tell you to google is Sharsheret.  Sharsheret, Hebrew for "chain," is an American not-for-profit organization intended to support Jewish women with breast or ovarian cancer, or a genetic predisposition to it, and their families.  I am not sure if you know, but due to a higher prevalence of a BRCA mutation, Ashkenazi Jews have a higher risk of developing not just breast and ovarian cancer but also pancreatic cancer.  Knowledge is power, especially when it means catching cancer early, I am so glad to thank Sharsheret for all their help and support. Tonight, at the Oneg you will see information from Sharsheret, you can see the spelling of the organization to better google it.  

This summer I was so happy to spend my annual 2 weeks of rejuvenation at our Summer camp, Olin Sang Ruby Union Institute. I was able to participate in Face Paint Friday by painting my bald head.  Pictures in my blog. I also decided to do a personal mitzvah and went to the Mikveh, the Jewish ritual bath after getting the news that there was no evidence of disease in my body.  Many people go to the Mikveh before they convert, or before their wedding, like my daughter Lital. There are other reasons to go to the Mikveh, including when you are transforming from one phase of life to another. When I went to the Mikveh it was a very emotional moment for me. The mikveh attendant had prepared personal healing prayers for me and as the water washed over me, I cried. 

Now as many of you know I am a public crier. I readily admit this. I cry when I introduce a Holocaust survivor to speak to our community, I cried when I charged our confirmation students.  But I do not usually cry about myself. This time it was very cleansing both inside and out to go to the Mikveh.  Like hearing Unetakah tokef earlier this week, I felt the reality of mortality at the Mikveh.

I can’t miss an opportunity to talk Torah. Our parasha, portion this week is Haazeinu, meaning to listen.  The passage from this parasha is commonly known as Shirat HaMosheh, the song of Moses.  Cantor Elizabeth Sacks points out to us: 

We discover that Moses uses musical repetition here as a purposeful tool to deepen and accentuate the profundity of this moment. As he prepares to depart from their presence, Moses employs a haunting, recurrent chant to ensure that the Israelites will understand, feel connected to, recognize the contours of, and eternally remember the wisdom he has gleaned from his life’s work. In this instance, simplicity itself is what breeds strength and staying power.

We all know there is much to be done in the area of cancer research.  I believe that we must keep repeating ourselves to get the message out, join groups like Sharsheret, have a Friday night service about cancer awareness and reach out to our community to those still going through treatment and their families.  Just like when you hear Shabbat, High Holy day or our weekend day nusach, melodies, remind yourself to help someone who doesn’t feel well, donate to Sharsheret, investigate getting genetic testing, or just come to services and sing the Mishaberach prayer.

Thank you all for being here tonight and those of you who are with us by streaming our service. Please know that being part of a caring community is what helps me and many of us survivors get through the rough times and celebrate the good times.  

Kein Yehi Ratzone,

May it be God’s will 

Amen

It's hard to give this post a name

Coming up with a headline for this blog has been a challenge. Below are some of the names my family and I thought about.

Last day of  Lakeside's Religious School 2018 with my children

She has a touch of cancer:  From John Green's Fault in Our Stars and before that Shakespeare: a little dark

Ovarian Story: Nah

Ovari Serious Announcement: Not the right tone

The Blog that shall not be named: Yes, for Harry Potter Fans

Belated Announcement: One of my favorite made up idioms

There probably is not a “right” choice for naming a blog like this and I can’t exactly bury the lead, although I have tried.  So here it is, I have ovarian cancer, which was just recently diagnosed. On a Thursday, I went in for a CT scan due to some pain in my abdomen.  A young doctor in the ER looked at the report and urged me to make an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible. He was adamant. I saw my doctor the next Monday and she said I should make an appointment with a gynecological oncologist.  That's when it sunk in. You don't see an oncologist just for abdominal pain, nor do they send you to one on a whim. The following week was filled with more appointments, more questions, more answers, and finally with Arthur in the doctor’s room with me, that’s when we heard the diagnosis.

Yes, it is  cancer; It is treatable; It might come back, but we will continue to fight it. My doctor was incredibly positive. He felt certain there will be even better treatments in the next few years; and we certainly hope there continues to be more treatments available.  

We don't realize how many people live with cancer as a chronic health issue.

Along with the diagnosis, I have struggled with a way to share this news with all my communities, friends, and family.  This blog is a good way to reach out and, of course, do some teaching. Who doesn't like to add some teaching, especially Jewish teaching? You all know I do.
A few FAQ's in my case, you know that I always get down to the concrete:
• I will have chemotherapy and then surgery. • Surgery, which may be in January, will be followed by more chemotherapy. • Don't google everything, it may not pertain to me or my particular case. • I will continue working and building our Adult Education at Lakeside-Solel in the years ahead. • I look forward to leading my book groups, leading services and Bible Study occasionally and helping B'nai Mitzvah with their D'vrei Torah.

When you teach, you should also have extra resources in your lesson plan. Here are some resources I do recommend:

• Sharsheret, a Jewish organization which has just opened an office in Chicago, reaches out to women with breast and ovarian cancer. Click on the link for more information.
• Did you know there are special makeup classes for those going through Cancer?
• Find out more about your Jewish genetics from the Sarnoff Center.  You will hear more about this in later blog posts from me!
• Take a look at the cancer wellness center website which is located in Northbrook and in different areas around the country and has educational classes and great resources.

Traditionally Jews recite the following prayer from our siddur daily.  From the Talmud: Eilu d'varim sh’ain l'hem shiur, These are the things we can do without measure:

1. Honoring father and mother,

2. Deeds of loving kindness,

3. Early arrival at the study-house, morning and evening,

4. Welcoming guests,

5. Visiting the sick,

6. Welcoming the bride,

7. Accompanying the dead (for burial),

8. Devotion in prayer,

9. Making peace between people

10. And the study of Torah is equal to them all because it leads to them all.

(b. Shabbat 127a)

People have already asked what they can do for me and for our family. You can see that visiting the sick is in the list above and many of you will have questions about everything that is going on. To answer them proactively, we will be posting on this website and I invite you to check in for a status update via the website which has a a meal train or by this blog. For those who want to reach out to me directly, the best way is through my email.  As much as I like to be in control, I know this journey is out of my control and I am doing my best to adapt and go with the flow. I am grateful for all my friends and especially my family.  I might not always be my upbeat self, but I look forward to hearing from you.

It is not easy for me to tell everyone about my medical status.  I hope to reach out to many of you over the next few days and weeks and touch base. I have also noticed that many people say to me that “they are so sorry” when I give them the news. That has consistently struck me as a funny response as you have done nothing and I have done nothing and we have nothing to be sorry for.  Talking with Ethan we settled on a response to the news that makes more sense from our perspective: I’m here for you. I know in my heart that you are all with me and my family.  

Lital and Cole's Wedding August 2016

Beyond your words, another way of supporting me through this journey is through fulfilling these other obligations outlined in Eilu d'varim sh’ain l'hem shiur: going to services, studying, and committing deeds of loving kindness.  That would make me just as happy, so please be sure to email me with the mitzvot you enjoyed the most!