It's hard to give this post a name

Coming up with a headline for this blog has been a challenge. Below are some of the names my family and I thought about.

Last day of  Lakeside's Religious School 2018 with my children

She has a touch of cancer:  From John Green's Fault in Our Stars and before that Shakespeare: a little dark

Ovarian Story: Nah

Ovari Serious Announcement: Not the right tone

The Blog that shall not be named: Yes, for Harry Potter Fans

Belated Announcement: One of my favorite made up idioms

There probably is not a “right” choice for naming a blog like this and I can’t exactly bury the lead, although I have tried.  So here it is, I have ovarian cancer, which was just recently diagnosed. On a Thursday, I went in for a CT scan due to some pain in my abdomen.  A young doctor in the ER looked at the report and urged me to make an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible. He was adamant. I saw my doctor the next Monday and she said I should make an appointment with a gynecological oncologist.  That's when it sunk in. You don't see an oncologist just for abdominal pain, nor do they send you to one on a whim. The following week was filled with more appointments, more questions, more answers, and finally with Arthur in the doctor’s room with me, that’s when we heard the diagnosis.

Yes, it is  cancer; It is treatable; It might come back, but we will continue to fight it. My doctor was incredibly positive. He felt certain there will be even better treatments in the next few years; and we certainly hope there continues to be more treatments available.  

We don't realize how many people live with cancer as a chronic health issue.

Along with the diagnosis, I have struggled with a way to share this news with all my communities, friends, and family.  This blog is a good way to reach out and, of course, do some teaching. Who doesn't like to add some teaching, especially Jewish teaching? You all know I do.
A few FAQ's in my case, you know that I always get down to the concrete:
• I will have chemotherapy and then surgery. • Surgery, which may be in January, will be followed by more chemotherapy. • Don't google everything, it may not pertain to me or my particular case. • I will continue working and building our Adult Education at Lakeside-Solel in the years ahead. • I look forward to leading my book groups, leading services and Bible Study occasionally and helping B'nai Mitzvah with their D'vrei Torah.

When you teach, you should also have extra resources in your lesson plan. Here are some resources I do recommend:

• Sharsheret, a Jewish organization which has just opened an office in Chicago, reaches out to women with breast and ovarian cancer. Click on the link for more information.
• Did you know there are special makeup classes for those going through Cancer?
• Find out more about your Jewish genetics from the Sarnoff Center.  You will hear more about this in later blog posts from me!
• Take a look at the cancer wellness center website which is located in Northbrook and in different areas around the country and has educational classes and great resources.

Traditionally Jews recite the following prayer from our siddur daily.  From the Talmud: Eilu d'varim sh’ain l'hem shiur, These are the things we can do without measure:

1. Honoring father and mother,

2. Deeds of loving kindness,

3. Early arrival at the study-house, morning and evening,

4. Welcoming guests,

5. Visiting the sick,

6. Welcoming the bride,

7. Accompanying the dead (for burial),

8. Devotion in prayer,

9. Making peace between people

10. And the study of Torah is equal to them all because it leads to them all.

(b. Shabbat 127a)

People have already asked what they can do for me and for our family. You can see that visiting the sick is in the list above and many of you will have questions about everything that is going on. To answer them proactively, we will be posting on this website and I invite you to check in for a status update via the website which has a a meal train or by this blog. For those who want to reach out to me directly, the best way is through my email.  As much as I like to be in control, I know this journey is out of my control and I am doing my best to adapt and go with the flow. I am grateful for all my friends and especially my family.  I might not always be my upbeat self, but I look forward to hearing from you.

It is not easy for me to tell everyone about my medical status.  I hope to reach out to many of you over the next few days and weeks and touch base. I have also noticed that many people say to me that “they are so sorry” when I give them the news. That has consistently struck me as a funny response as you have done nothing and I have done nothing and we have nothing to be sorry for.  Talking with Ethan we settled on a response to the news that makes more sense from our perspective: I’m here for you. I know in my heart that you are all with me and my family.  

Lital and Cole's Wedding August 2016

Beyond your words, another way of supporting me through this journey is through fulfilling these other obligations outlined in Eilu d'varim sh’ain l'hem shiur: going to services, studying, and committing deeds of loving kindness.  That would make me just as happy, so please be sure to email me with the mitzvot you enjoyed the most!

What does Mitzvah mean to YOU?

Lakeside Congregation at the Northern Illinois Food Bank 2018

One of the first things I teach in my school is that Mitzvah means commandment and it is not as many adults and students believe "good deed".  With Lakeside Congregation's Mitzvah day around the corner on Sunday May 6,  I hope that you will take a minute to think about this differentiation between a good deed and a mitzvah.  Many Mitzvot are good deeds, visiting the sick, comforting mourners and rejoicing with bride and groom.  These mitzvot are all listed in a prayer traditional Jews say daily and one that is in our siddur, Elu D'varim, these are the things you can do without measure.  You can always help sick people, study in the synagogue and honor your mother and father without any limitations.  These are commandments.  These commandments will not put in the poor house or really cost you any money and that is why they are all in one list.

I do believe that some of my younger students when think that mitzvot are good deeds. When asked to list mitzvot they will tell me that walking the dog, cleaning their room or taking out the garbage qualifies as a mitzvah.  I am NOT one to discourage our children from doing chores but I usually point out that not mitzvot.  I hope that this distinction can show our adults and students how Jewish values creep into their lives daily.  To honor your father and mother daily takes kavennah, intention.

Perhaps this list will help you as you strive to understand how Jewish values permeate your life without you really even realizing it.

Here is the English translation of Eilu D'varim:

These are the things the fruits (=interest) of which a person enjoys in this world, but the principal
remains for him in the world to come:

Alex collecting bikes to repair for his Mitzvah project

1. honoring father and mother,
2. deeds of loving kindness, (Gimilut Chasadim)
3. early arrival at the study-house morning and evening,
4. hospitality to guests,
5. visiting the sick,
6. dowering the bride,
7. accompanying the dead (to burial),
8. devotion in prayer,
9. making peace between a man and his fellow,
10. and the study of Torah is equal to them all.
(b. Shabbat 127a)

Mitzvah Day Fair of Mitzvah Projects

I am always surprised that when we ask our B'nai Mitzvah students to do 13 hours of Mitzvot or service over the years before their ceremony that we never get push back.  Students willingly find projects that they are passionate about and I am so proud of what they do.  If you count up the number of students over the years that have done projects since I instituted the practice it would be over 8,000 hours of Mitzvot.  Many of our students go on to do much more than just 13 hours of Mitzvot and they all mention their projects in their  d'vrie Torah (ok, perhaps it is on the outline that I give them and they HAVE to mention their projects).  I do believe that some students upon hearing that a friend has worked with Keshet, our local organization for children who are differently abled, thinks to themselves, hey I can do that too.  

After you have taken a look at this list I hope that you can find some time to sign up for Mitzvah day at Lakeside or in your own congregation.  I look forward to discussing on line or in person what is a mitzvah and how we can ask our children to do even more! See you soon or at least on Mitzvah Day!