HGTV and Cancer

Ethan home for Shabbat

I have been watching many different HGTV (Home and Garden TV) shows these past 3 weeks since my surgery.  You might ask… What is the attraction of these shows and why were they so soothing as I recuperate? I think the answer lies in the reality that at the end of the 30 or 60 minute show, whatever started as a mess, or the participants not having a home, ends with a conclusion: a beautiful new home or a new home in a new place that fits the protagonists’ needs perfectly. They call in specialists like plumbers and electricians, and no one can stump them; they always fix the problem before the end of the show.  At the end of every episode, everyone is happy, in a new place and ready to move on with life.

Lital helping me to Marie Kondo my closet

When you have cancer, if only everything could be “fixed” in 30, or 60 minutes.  If only all your specialists and doctors had the definitive answers for you, and if only shiplap and exposed brick kept your white blood count steady.  I have all the faith in the world in my doctor, who is also my surgeon. We have discussed the options that I can take and here is what my show will have in store for the next month or so:

Wednesday, February 20th I will have chemo again, just like the 3 chemotherapy sessions I had in December.  I have elected to not use the digni cold cap anymore and, like the Property Brothers knocking out non-structural walls, the top of my head will be more “open-concept” as I  lose the hair that I have left in the next month, never mind my eyelashes and eyebrows. After this week I will have another port put in my abdomen and I will begin a regimen of IP chemotherapy. I’ll spare you the details, but in HGTV terms… We’re eliminating some unnecessary pipes, as we update this house’s plumbing.

Intraperitoneal (IP) chemotherapy (from The American Cancer Society)

In IP chemotherapy, the drugs cisplatin and paclitaxel are injected into the abdominal cavity through a catheter (thin tube). Giving chemo this way gives the most concentrated dose of the drugs directly to the cancer cells in the abdominal cavity. This chemo also gets absorbed into the bloodstream and so can reach cancer cells outside the abdominal cavity. IP chemotherapy seems to help some women live longer than IV chemo alone, but the side effects are often more severe.

Even after research and talking with my Doctor I am not sure how I will react to this new protocol.  Hopefully my “house” will be fixed and everyone will love it (not list it)! Yes, I know people think this house has good bones and a good heart. That’ll stay the same while , we get rid of the danged asbestos...  If I need a specialist or 2 I will not hesitate to call them and make sure to make some adjustments. And if the general contractor can’t get his plumber and inspector here on time there’s gonna be hell to pay. I will go into this next stage with strength, your good wishes, and Chip Gaines’ toolbelt/my usual optimistic outlook on life.  

February 10

If you want to visit just give me a call.  Please remember that this form of chemo compromises my immune system, so I appreciate phone calls, and if you want to visit, please call before you get in your car. We’ve all loved all the meals you have sent, along with the flowers and well-wishes. All of us can’t thank you enough; your care has really increased our curb appeal (that’s an HGTV joke, really not sure if it makes sense)  I will not be out in big crowds, but feel free to call me. Stay warm and hopefully the snow will stop soon!

Gratitude and Privilege and in Hebrew Hakarat Hatov and Z’chut

Ethan's graduation University of Wisconsin, Madison 2018

Wednesday, December 19th was my 2nd round of Chemo.  All went well. I am still wearing the Digni Cap during chemo, which freezes my head to 32 Degrees. It is not comfortable to say the least, but at the same time I am grateful for this new cooling technology, which helps to save your hair.  My goal was to have hair for Ethan’s graduation and I did. At my hospital I was able to participate and use this machine because a donor gave money for women to participate without having to pay out of pocket. I know that otherwise it would have been a very costly proposition. That’s a privilege I am benefiting from. For many other women, that kind of privilege would just be a dream.

This is how I feel all day during Chemo!

I have become so much more aware of my privilege, my Z'chut in other ways throughout my cancer journey. I live close to a wonderful hospital which I can access, due to my health insurance.  As I read in different online groups, I have realized that other women with cancer can not always afford their treatments, or pay their doctors’ bills. It is a terrible feeling to read these stories and recognize that a twist here, or a twist there and I could be in those women’s position. I don’t believe that in American, in 2018, that this should be a reality, but it is. What these same people must have gone through before the Affordable Care Act, I can’t even imagine. Thanks, Obama.

Through this all, I have worked to avoid acknowledging privilege as an exercise in guilt. Instead, I would rather express how grateful, Hakarat Hatov, I am for everyone and everything around me. I am grateful for all the support I have gotten from my family, friends and extended communities.  I had a delicious hot meal on Wednesday night, given by Denise and Jeff Goldberg, and Michelle Mutter and Rich Leonard after a long day spent with Arthur in the hospital. Wednesday morning my book club was graciously led by Lori Sagarin. I only hope they will still like me after being with such a professional. This Shabbat we look forward to a dinner from Cantor Arik Luck, Rachel Greenberg-Luck and their family! (to Sign up to help us out check out: https://my.lotsahelpinghands.com/community/inoneehrlich)

Special thanks to my sister, Wendy Shanker for coming in from St. Louis to make sure my parents and I are doing OK.  This blog would not be as well edited without Lital and Cole and this week they do their editing from Europe: Paris and Brussels.  Friends and family from far and near have checked in on me with a regularity which makes me feel so loved and cared for.

Fun weekend!

Cancer is not something anyone wants to hear or have as a diagnosis.  It is not a club you want an invite to, but it has been a reminder of what we too often take for granted. And even more importantly, it has shown me in real time that my family extends far beyond our Shabbat table. I am grateful to live among such family. Shabbat Shalom!