It's Day 4 with our Granddaughter but only day 3 on our own.  We are having a good time and fall into bed every night exhausted.  Here is last night's vblog:

In 2 Ehrlichs and one Little Leiter

From Monday December 20, 2021

Another successful day of staying with our granddaughter.  We continue with pre-potty training and working our general magic.  

In Two Ehrlichs and One Little Leiter

 It has been a long time since I posted.  I guess 2020 and most of 2021 has been taken up with COVID19.   The absolute BRIGHT LINING is our granddaughter born in March 2020.  She is cute, precocious and we love her.  She is also VERY active, walking 10 months and running soon after.  

Why tell you about these details?  Arthur and I are staying with her for a WHOLE week while Mom and Dad are on a fun camping trip in Rocky National Park.  FUN, if you like to hike in semi-cold weather with spikes on your boots, but that is another blog.  We thought we would do a V Blog, Video blog, and let you know how we are doing.  

Here is our first entry:

And because it took me a hot minute to figure this all out, here is the 2nd entry, enjoy!

Enjoy.  

One year is a long time: May 20, 2019 my last Chemo, Anniversary of my Last Chemo

Last Chemo May 20, 2019

The minhag (custom) in the Infusion unit is to ring a large bell three times when you complete your last chemotherapy cancer treatment.  During this time, I had to practice social distancing, avoiding hugs and close contact with others. Who knew I would have to engage in social distancing and self quarantining all over again one year later due to COVID19? 

Most of us have now had some type of experience with sheltering in place, which allows people to have empathy for the type of anxiety those of us who are immunosuppressed feel when going into crowds.  All of us are now on alert in case we get too close to other people when we are doing even the most mundane tasks and errands, including going to the grocery store, getting gas for our car or going to work.  Think about doing these same errands when you are immunosuppressed and your senses go on red alert when someone gets too close to you, and without a mask. It is not an easy task.

At Spertus Leadership Certificate Program in Jan 2020

As for me here is my current health update, I have received an infusion of Avastin every 3 weeks for the past year with very little side effects.  I do feel tired but that could be chalked up to many different things.  These infusions seem to be working and I will take them for the time being.  I am carefully monitored and although they are not chemo, Avastin is still very toxic and my blood levels are checked every time I have an infusion.  But it is now been 12 months to the day with No Evidence of Disease.  My doctor told me that is the platinum standard for those who had ovarian cancer!!

I was so happy to be able to visit my granddaughter, Esme, in Washington DC, when she was born.  I hope to drive back to DC this summer as our summer camp, OSRUI will not be open due to COVID19.  At least last year after months of being in seclusion I looked forward to being at camp for 2 weeks.  I can only begin to imagine how our campers and madrichim must be feeling at this time with no summer camp this year.

As we look to the 2020 Summer of Covid19, rest assured that I will not be physically attending any crowded venues, including Religious events, but that is a topic for my next blog.  Thank you to everyone who has continued to check in on me and for all of your thoughtful words.  We know the Jewish value of Pikuah Nefesh, saving a soul, is like saving the world.  Thank you for staying inside and stopping the spread and saving the world. It is so important to not infect those in our high risk communities of which I am a part. I hope to “see” you soon on zoom, facetime or from at least 6 feet away.

Update: My family surprised me with a beautiful powerpoint and filmed skit for my CancerFreeversary. It was beautiful, moving and filled with humor.  I am truly blessed.

Dear Granddaughter: First Letter to my first grandchild March 2020/Adar 5780

Dear Grandbaby,

The day you were born was a day I’ll never forget, and I want to tell you about it through my eyes, your Savta. I stayed at your house the night you were born.  When you are old enough to read this by yourself I pray that this world will not be as frightening as it is right now. No one will ever forget that you came into the world during the COVID19 pandemic.  What is a pandemic? I don’t think you will be using wikipedia as your textbook, but by 2025 who knows what the current best practices of education will be. Here we go:

A pandemic is a disease epidemic that has spread across a large region, for instance multiple continents, or worldwide. Wikipedia

I am sure you will have heard the stories from Saba and I, your parents and your whole family about your birth and about this time in history.  I will tell my story. I drove over 700 miles with your Uncle Ethan from Chicago to make sure I would be here for your first day in this world. Cities, and even whole states throughout the country, including Chicago had asked everyone to shelter in their homes.  We stayed at your house, not just to be close to you, your Mom and Dad, but we were afraid to stay in a hotel because it might expose us to the insidious germs of this terrifying disease. We were so glad to be in your house.  

Your Mom, as you know, was very determined to be at home for as long as she could until she had to go to the hospital.  Your Dad, as always, helped to coach, partner and be there for her. She was also lucky to have a wonderful friend and doula who took her step by step to help you be born.  

When your mom and dad went to the hospital, Uncle Ethan and I went back to sleep. Actually, Uncle Ethan was in the basement and didn’t hear your Mom going through labor and never woke up.  During this time of Covid19 we were so blessed to have our doula in the room as well as your Dad. Right after you were born the rules changed and only Dads were allowed in the Labor room.  

On Tuesday morning, March 24 we waited to hear any news and at 5:34 am you were born. You were 7lb 3oz and 19 inches and came home on Thursday.

Things were not normal in Washington DC nor anywhere in this country.  Your Doctor told us Friday that your Saba and Uncle Jonathan could not join us for the Pesach Seder which was in 2 weeks.  You could not see any of your friends for at least ONE MONTH. We sent your dad out for grocery shopping and he wore gloves, a mask that Grandma Carrie made and we tried to cut down our shopping to only a few times a week.  We even ordered your diapers online. Yes really.

We told everyone that we were so happy you were born and we welcomed you into the world and I sent this email out:

Dear Friends and Family,

With great joy and gratitude we want to let you know that we have a new addition to our a family, a Baby Girl.  Baby Girl was born March 24 corresponding to the 28th of Adar at 5:34 am She weighs in at 7lbs 3oz and stands 19 inches tall. Lital and Cole are still in the hospital with baby. Ethan Ron and I have been hunkered down at the house with Maggie (the dog) and Klaus (the cat.)  Arthur and Jonathan will join us before Pesach for Seder.  

Lital and Cole are choosing to reveal her name in the near future.  As soon as WE know the name we will let YOU know the name. Lital and Cole also ask you please do not post on any social media.  We will of course be sending more pictures and news as soon as we can.  

We are all happy for this exciting and positive moment at a much needed time.

With Love and wishes for a sweet, SAFE Pesach and Shabbat Shalom!

Savta Vanessa, Saba Arthur, Jonathan and Ethan Ron Ehrlich

When you came home from the hospital you were the bright spot not just in our day but for all of your friends and relatives from all over the world, from Belgium to Israel and right here in the United States.  Everyone was so happy to hear about your birth in such a dark time.  

We didn’t tell the world your name until the 8th day when Jewish boys and girls get their names. Here is what your Mom and Dad announced about your name.  

Dear Friends and Family,

We are so excited to introduce you to this young one in person, and in more normal times we would have invited you into our home for a baby naming. In a traditional Jewish family this is when the new baby receives their Hebrew name and it is announced publicly for the first time. 

But, as the times go, this baby naming is going to be virtual for now!

Watch this to see us walk you through some of the thought behind this baby's names. 

WATCH HERE

Then, if you're still looking for more, you can read the explanations below that include details we forgot to include in our slick, highly produced video.

Esme [Ez-May] is a name with origins in Old French, meaning "to esteem" or "to love." We chose this name to honor Lital's grandparents (also known as Bubbie and Zaydie), Evelyn and Eli. Just like this name, we think that this moment in time is one where we need love more than ever.

Lital’s Grandparents Evelyn and Eli, Arthur's parents

 

Harel [Har-El] is a name with Hebrew origins meaning "mountain of God." We chose this name to honor our great grandmothers, who were named Hedy and Hedwig. Harel also has significance for us in our shared love for nature. Nature, and particularly mountains, are a place we often go to escape. Coincidentally, the month after we found out we were expecting Esme we went on an incredible backpacking trip in the North Cascades, hiking up and down some of the most breathtaking mountains we have ever experienced. We hope to be able to share future adventures like that with Esme someday soon. 

 Lital’s Great Grandmother Hetty, Vanessa's Grandmother

  Cole’s Great Grandmother Hedwig

We will keep sharing updates and pictures along her journey. Until you get to meet her in person, stay safe and keep in touch.

Love,

Lital, Cole and Esme 

During Covid19 we have also resorted to using zoom for EVERYTHING, talking to friends and our work meetings. Zoom is a video conferencing platform we have all managed to learn in 2020.  At your first Pesach seder, our Zeder, we zoomed with Saba and Uncle Jonathan in Deerfield and Grandma and Grandpa in Ohio. We can’t wait for your next Seder which we hope will be in person and you can run around and actually find the afikomen.

The rest of your grandparents, Aunt and Uncles, cousins, and all of our friends are now waiting to meet you.  We hope all this will pass soon, but will be patient until we know it is safe for you to venture fully into this beautiful world.  

As I write this I want you to know your mom and dad would love to edit this piece and they are great editors. I think this will have to go without their touch but you know it is from my full heart and I love you with all my might. Although maybe Uncle Ethan helped to clean up some of these sentences. 

Please know I am a cryer, so this blog post/letter comes with tears, tears of joy. I hope to write more letters to your cousins, whenever they appear.

I just can’t leave this without something from our Jewish heritage.  There is a traditional parental blessing which wishes girls to be like Sarah, Rebecca, Leah and Rachel. I found this blessing from the Jewish Reconstructionist tradition  Marcia Falk, a contemporary feminist liturgist offers her own version of this blessing. Instead of wishing that the child be like someone else, this blessing asks that the child be as she is.

To our girl:

   הֲיִי אֲשֶׁר תִּהְיִיEsme

    וַהֲיִי בְּרוּכָה

  בַּאֲשֶׁר תִּהְיִי

Esme Harel, Hayi asher tih'yi – vahayi b'rukhah ba'asher tih'yi.

Be who you are — and may you be blessed in all that you are.

We all love you so much,  Your Savta, Vanessa

Cancer Awareness Shabbat Ha-azeinu October 11, 2019

Shabbat Shalom.  Thank you, Makom Solel Lakeside, Rabbi Serotta, Rabbi Moffic, Cantor O’brien for having this first Cancer Awareness Shabbat and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts.

These past 2 weeks, on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, when we recited Unetanah Tokef, which translates to “We shall ascribe holiness to this day” it was not easy for me. Here are some verses which I am sure you will recognize:

 On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed - how many shall pass away and how many shall be born, who shall live and who shall die, who in good time, and who by an untimely death, who by water and who by fire, and so on.

I have always thought about this prayer as my empty stomach begins to grumble. But this year it was different.  It was difficult for me to recite this central prayer.  In fact, I couldn’t get the words out despite being very familiar with it. 

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 11 months ago. That diagnoses changed more than a few things in my life, and, this Yom Kippur, the changes in my mindset really came into focus.   

Unetanah Tokef is an uncharacteristically literal piyut, poem in our liturgy. It was composed during the Byzantine period about 330 to 1453 CE. There were hundreds of these piyutim from this time but this is the one which survived and made it into our High Holy Day Machzor. (thank you, Cantor Jay, for this input)

Putting myself in their shoes, I wonder how the community of that time period felt reciting Unetanah Tokef. “Who by famine and who by thirst? Who by earthquake and who by famine” are literal questions that may seem distant for us, as we worry about being “that guy who replies-all to an email thread,” (full transparency, that’s me!) but for our ancestors these were real concerns. 

Unfortunately, the climate crisis is bringing back some of these concerns, but that is another sermon for another day.

For me, living out my cancer diagnosis, I felt for the first time like I got it: Death, and the struggle to avert it, isn’t theoretical for any of us. It’s our reality.But the High Holy Days are not days of suffering or reality without  healthy doses of hope. No matter what you have done, the poet tells us, the severe decree‑-the penalty of death‑can be averted. We can follow the advice of the sages, “Three things cancel the decree, . . . prayer, tzedakah and repentance” 

(Genesis Rabba 44:12) 

Trust me, I know that my cancer is a journey.  As I stand here today, I know that the power of prayer and the power of community continues to be a source of my hope. I’d like to take to share how the power of this community has come to life for me during the past year.

I stated in my first blog post, (if you don’t have it you can find it  at:  In One Ehrlich),  I mentioned that beyond your good wishes another way of supporting me and other friends, congregants and people who are going through cancer is through fulfilling the obligations outlined in the prayer we say in morning services: Eilu d'varim sh’ain l'hem shiur, these are the things you can do without measure:  going to services, studying, and committing deeds of loving kindness. Experiencing this community coming together to add to all of our Jewish journeys has brought me incredible happiness and gives me another form of hope, so please be sure to continue to let me know what mitzvot you have been doing and which mitzvot when you did it surprised you the most!

And that’s not the only place my community has come together to help us on this journey. My family joins me in thanking everyone who donated, brought meals, ran errands for us, visited, sent beautifully written cards and emails with words of hope and encouragement, gift cards for meals and the list goes on. This form of Tzedakah, while I cannot medically prove it helped put my cancer in remission, it certainly did bring comfort to my family, knowing that we had all of your support. The response to my news was and continues to be overwhelming. 

And through it all, last week I was able to give my own form of Tzedakah in the form of a visit to a Makom Solel Lakeside member when I delivered a Shabbat meal.  It felt so good to give back after so many who have supported me, and I even felt like myself again when preparing and delivering this meal. 

I always caution people NOT TO GOOGLE this disease, or any other cancer.  The one place I CAN tell you to google is Sharsheret.  Sharsheret, Hebrew for "chain," is an American not-for-profit organization intended to support Jewish women with breast or ovarian cancer, or a genetic predisposition to it, and their families.  I am not sure if you know, but due to a higher prevalence of a BRCA mutation, Ashkenazi Jews have a higher risk of developing not just breast and ovarian cancer but also pancreatic cancer.  Knowledge is power, especially when it means catching cancer early, I am so glad to thank Sharsheret for all their help and support. Tonight, at the Oneg you will see information from Sharsheret, you can see the spelling of the organization to better google it.  

This summer I was so happy to spend my annual 2 weeks of rejuvenation at our Summer camp, Olin Sang Ruby Union Institute. I was able to participate in Face Paint Friday by painting my bald head.  Pictures in my blog. I also decided to do a personal mitzvah and went to the Mikveh, the Jewish ritual bath after getting the news that there was no evidence of disease in my body.  Many people go to the Mikveh before they convert, or before their wedding, like my daughter Lital. There are other reasons to go to the Mikveh, including when you are transforming from one phase of life to another. When I went to the Mikveh it was a very emotional moment for me. The mikveh attendant had prepared personal healing prayers for me and as the water washed over me, I cried. 

Now as many of you know I am a public crier. I readily admit this. I cry when I introduce a Holocaust survivor to speak to our community, I cried when I charged our confirmation students.  But I do not usually cry about myself. This time it was very cleansing both inside and out to go to the Mikveh.  Like hearing Unetakah tokef earlier this week, I felt the reality of mortality at the Mikveh.

I can’t miss an opportunity to talk Torah. Our parasha, portion this week is Haazeinu, meaning to listen.  The passage from this parasha is commonly known as Shirat HaMosheh, the song of Moses.  Cantor Elizabeth Sacks points out to us: 

We discover that Moses uses musical repetition here as a purposeful tool to deepen and accentuate the profundity of this moment. As he prepares to depart from their presence, Moses employs a haunting, recurrent chant to ensure that the Israelites will understand, feel connected to, recognize the contours of, and eternally remember the wisdom he has gleaned from his life’s work. In this instance, simplicity itself is what breeds strength and staying power.

We all know there is much to be done in the area of cancer research.  I believe that we must keep repeating ourselves to get the message out, join groups like Sharsheret, have a Friday night service about cancer awareness and reach out to our community to those still going through treatment and their families.  Just like when you hear Shabbat, High Holy day or our weekend day nusach, melodies, remind yourself to help someone who doesn’t feel well, donate to Sharsheret, investigate getting genetic testing, or just come to services and sing the Mishaberach prayer.

Thank you all for being here tonight and those of you who are with us by streaming our service. Please know that being part of a caring community is what helps me and many of us survivors get through the rough times and celebrate the good times.  

Kein Yehi Ratzone,

May it be God’s will 

Amen

ScanAnxiety, how to bench Gomel (Prayer said after recovering from a serious situation) and IN REMISSION

Last Chemo on May 20

Ever since my surgery, I have had Scan Anxiety.  I keep hearing the theme song from Mel Brooks’ High Anxiety movie play in my head for the last two weeks. For my younger chevre here is the link to High Anxiety and yes it is an earworm. Fair warning, it is even catchier than Old Town Road and no it is not about getting HIGH either. 

I had my last scheduled chemo 2 weeks ago and during those weeks all I could focus on, besides the song, was the next step, the CT scan. That scan would let us know whether the cancer was still present in my body.

My scan Anxiety was at an all time high over the past two weeks.  I know many cancer survivors (and I will be part of this group) continue to have CT scans for months, years, and possible decades after their initial diagnoses. I can only imagine how many times those people would have played that song in their head if they had read my blog.

Just change the word high to scan because scan anxiety works.

Well it's the high anxiety

I'm a victim of society, It's my high anxiety

Getting to the best of me, Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna explode

When I'm approaching total overload, I know that when I'm having a panic attack

To duck and cover cuz I can feel it coming, You know I wish that this was over and done

Heart pounds I can feel it escalating, Well it's the high anxiety

While waiting for the phone call from my doctor I was discussing what to write for a positive scan and/or a negative scan, Arthur said, "negative scan? We are only writing the Victory Speech!"

This morning when my phone rang and it was my doctor, the theme song was blasting at full volume. I heard the words “you are in remission and NED, “No evidence of disease”, I cried. Those who know me, may not think this is surprising. I cry when I speak about the Holocaust, I cry when I send my students off to OSRUI for a summer of Jewish camping, and I may have cried once watching “Long Island Medium” with my daughter. The strange part is that through this journey, I have not really cried about having cancer. Anxiety impacts your body in various ways, and perhaps my Scan Anxiety was acting as a gate. But when I heard the words  “You are in remission”, the Scan Anxiety gate broke and I cried.

Me in the wig

What’s next you may ask?  I will be receiving monthly transfusions of Avastin, which is a blood vessel growth inhibitor.  I do not expect there to be MANY side effects, but I will not know for sure until my first transfusion after June 10th. I hope my hair will grow back.  I cannot say that my Scan Anxiety has disappeared completely, as this disease is notorious for recurring, there will be more CT scans in my future, but for now I can turn High Anxiety down to a 6 or more likely a 7. I will also continue to consult with Sharsheret, the Jewish organization which has provided me with information, a mentor and just kept my head on through this whole process.

If you read the title to this blog post, you should be asking, what is Benching Gomel? What situation would be "serious"?

Birkat Hagomel (pronounced beer-KHAT hah-GOH-mel),” is commonly said after recovering from serious illness, but can also be recited in gratitude for completing a dangerous journey.

This blessing for deliverance is typically recited in the presence of a minyan, or prayer quorum, often in the synagogue following the reading of the Torah.

Birkat Hagomel in Hebrew (courtesy of Sefaria)

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱלהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעולָם. הַגּומֵל לְחַיָּבִים טובות. שֶׁגְּמָלַנִי כָּל טוב

Birkat Hagomel in Transliteration and English Translation

Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, ha-gomel t’chayavim tovim she-g’malani kol tuv.

Blessed are You, Sovereign of the universe, our God, ruler of the world, who rewards the undeserving with goodness, and who has rewarded me with goodness.

After the recitation of this blessing, the congregation responds:

Mi she-g’malcha kol tuv, hu yi-g’malcha kol tuv selah.

May God who rewarded you with all goodness reward you with all goodness for ever.

My plan is to bench Gomel this weekend.  I can’t tell you how grateful I am to reach this day.

For now, my physical road to remission has reached a place where I can take a breath. The work I’m looking to start on now will involve some spiritual healing. Sometimes that can be a longer road, but I know that benching gomel is the first step I want to take.

At Passover