One year is a long time: May 20, 2019 my last Chemo, Anniversary of my Last Chemo

Last Chemo May 20, 2019

The minhag (custom) in the Infusion unit is to ring a large bell three times when you complete your last chemotherapy cancer treatment.  During this time, I had to practice social distancing, avoiding hugs and close contact with others. Who knew I would have to engage in social distancing and self quarantining all over again one year later due to COVID19? 

Most of us have now had some type of experience with sheltering in place, which allows people to have empathy for the type of anxiety those of us who are immunosuppressed feel when going into crowds.  All of us are now on alert in case we get too close to other people when we are doing even the most mundane tasks and errands, including going to the grocery store, getting gas for our car or going to work.  Think about doing these same errands when you are immunosuppressed and your senses go on red alert when someone gets too close to you, and without a mask. It is not an easy task.

At Spertus Leadership Certificate Program in Jan 2020

As for me here is my current health update, I have received an infusion of Avastin every 3 weeks for the past year with very little side effects.  I do feel tired but that could be chalked up to many different things.  These infusions seem to be working and I will take them for the time being.  I am carefully monitored and although they are not chemo, Avastin is still very toxic and my blood levels are checked every time I have an infusion.  But it is now been 12 months to the day with No Evidence of Disease.  My doctor told me that is the platinum standard for those who had ovarian cancer!!

I was so happy to be able to visit my granddaughter, Esme, in Washington DC, when she was born.  I hope to drive back to DC this summer as our summer camp, OSRUI will not be open due to COVID19.  At least last year after months of being in seclusion I looked forward to being at camp for 2 weeks.  I can only begin to imagine how our campers and madrichim must be feeling at this time with no summer camp this year.

As we look to the 2020 Summer of Covid19, rest assured that I will not be physically attending any crowded venues, including Religious events, but that is a topic for my next blog.  Thank you to everyone who has continued to check in on me and for all of your thoughtful words.  We know the Jewish value of Pikuah Nefesh, saving a soul, is like saving the world.  Thank you for staying inside and stopping the spread and saving the world. It is so important to not infect those in our high risk communities of which I am a part. I hope to “see” you soon on zoom, facetime or from at least 6 feet away.

Update: My family surprised me with a beautiful powerpoint and filmed skit for my CancerFreeversary. It was beautiful, moving and filled with humor.  I am truly blessed.

ScanAnxiety, how to bench Gomel (Prayer said after recovering from a serious situation) and IN REMISSION

Last Chemo on May 20

Ever since my surgery, I have had Scan Anxiety.  I keep hearing the theme song from Mel Brooks’ High Anxiety movie play in my head for the last two weeks. For my younger chevre here is the link to High Anxiety and yes it is an earworm. Fair warning, it is even catchier than Old Town Road and no it is not about getting HIGH either. 

I had my last scheduled chemo 2 weeks ago and during those weeks all I could focus on, besides the song, was the next step, the CT scan. That scan would let us know whether the cancer was still present in my body.

My scan Anxiety was at an all time high over the past two weeks.  I know many cancer survivors (and I will be part of this group) continue to have CT scans for months, years, and possible decades after their initial diagnoses. I can only imagine how many times those people would have played that song in their head if they had read my blog.

Just change the word high to scan because scan anxiety works.

Well it's the high anxiety

I'm a victim of society, It's my high anxiety

Getting to the best of me, Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna explode

When I'm approaching total overload, I know that when I'm having a panic attack

To duck and cover cuz I can feel it coming, You know I wish that this was over and done

Heart pounds I can feel it escalating, Well it's the high anxiety

While waiting for the phone call from my doctor I was discussing what to write for a positive scan and/or a negative scan, Arthur said, "negative scan? We are only writing the Victory Speech!"

This morning when my phone rang and it was my doctor, the theme song was blasting at full volume. I heard the words “you are in remission and NED, “No evidence of disease”, I cried. Those who know me, may not think this is surprising. I cry when I speak about the Holocaust, I cry when I send my students off to OSRUI for a summer of Jewish camping, and I may have cried once watching “Long Island Medium” with my daughter. The strange part is that through this journey, I have not really cried about having cancer. Anxiety impacts your body in various ways, and perhaps my Scan Anxiety was acting as a gate. But when I heard the words  “You are in remission”, the Scan Anxiety gate broke and I cried.

Me in the wig

What’s next you may ask?  I will be receiving monthly transfusions of Avastin, which is a blood vessel growth inhibitor.  I do not expect there to be MANY side effects, but I will not know for sure until my first transfusion after June 10th. I hope my hair will grow back.  I cannot say that my Scan Anxiety has disappeared completely, as this disease is notorious for recurring, there will be more CT scans in my future, but for now I can turn High Anxiety down to a 6 or more likely a 7. I will also continue to consult with Sharsheret, the Jewish organization which has provided me with information, a mentor and just kept my head on through this whole process.

If you read the title to this blog post, you should be asking, what is Benching Gomel? What situation would be "serious"?

Birkat Hagomel (pronounced beer-KHAT hah-GOH-mel),” is commonly said after recovering from serious illness, but can also be recited in gratitude for completing a dangerous journey.

This blessing for deliverance is typically recited in the presence of a minyan, or prayer quorum, often in the synagogue following the reading of the Torah.

Birkat Hagomel in Hebrew (courtesy of Sefaria)

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱלהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעולָם. הַגּומֵל לְחַיָּבִים טובות. שֶׁגְּמָלַנִי כָּל טוב

Birkat Hagomel in Transliteration and English Translation

Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, ha-gomel t’chayavim tovim she-g’malani kol tuv.

Blessed are You, Sovereign of the universe, our God, ruler of the world, who rewards the undeserving with goodness, and who has rewarded me with goodness.

After the recitation of this blessing, the congregation responds:

Mi she-g’malcha kol tuv, hu yi-g’malcha kol tuv selah.

May God who rewarded you with all goodness reward you with all goodness for ever.

My plan is to bench Gomel this weekend.  I can’t tell you how grateful I am to reach this day.

For now, my physical road to remission has reached a place where I can take a breath. The work I’m looking to start on now will involve some spiritual healing. Sometimes that can be a longer road, but I know that benching gomel is the first step I want to take.

At Passover

Counting it’s that time of year

My actual sheets I used at camp 50 years ago, iron on Labels!

My last chemo is currently scheduled for Monday, July 1! I can finally start my countdown. With any luck, by the time I arrive at my ‘camp home,’ Olin Sang Ruby Institute, on Monday July 15, I will be done with this course of treatment. Well, “done” is a figure of speech,  I will continue to get a year of monthly infusions of avastin, an immunotherapy drug that helps prevent new tumor growth.

And what timing! This is also the time of the year when we count the Omer:

The period between Passover and Shavuot is called the “Counting of the Omer” (Sefirat Ha'omer). Omer means "barley sheaf" and refers to the offering brought to the Temple on the second day of Passover.  Starting from that day, the Torah also instructs that “you shall count off seven weeks. They must be complete: you must count until the day after the seventh week — 50 days” (Leviticus 23:15-16).

For years at my synagogue, Lakeside, we have counted the Omer with cereal boxes which are eventually donated to local food banks.  We put up one box of cereal for each day of the Omer: on the first day one box; the second day 2 boxes; and so on through 49 days.Not only did our cereal box counting method create a great visual of the Omer’s journey, it presented a real challenge to keep the whole thing upright. Journeys, as I’ve experienced recently, are all the more rewarding when they’re filled with challenges.

By Shavuot, when we celebrate receiving the 10 commandments, we had 1225 boxes. And let me tell you, our area food banks are very happy to watch that mountain of cereal come in the door. All of us parents know how expensive cereal is and it’s one thing food banks always need.  

We were not able to have our cereal drive this year, so if it moves you please think of buying some cereal, (the good cereal, that YOU like  to eat, nothing generic, unless you eat generic cereal) and donating it to your local food bank. If every person who reads my blog bought 2 boxes of cereal we would almost make 1225. Some of you *more frequent readers* could buy 3 boxes and we would be on our way.

Cereal boxes from 2018 and the magic door which brought different characters to our school!

Just as constructing our cereal pyramid was sometimes a challenge, as I begin my countdown, I have realized that there will  probably be *stacking challenges* in my journey. Those challenges could come in the CT scan before I go to camp, or they could come in the scans that are going to be a regular part of my life from now on. Don’t worry, I will keep everyone posted.  

I am sure that I could do some gematria here.  In gematria (a form of Jewish numerology), for instance the number 18 stands for "life".  THIS is the reason why you give denominations of $18 at B’nai Mitzvah, Wedding and other simcha recipients to stand for life!   I have never been much of a numbers person; in fact I hate math and even sudoku. All I know is that I have 3 chemo sessions left, for a total of who knows how many hours of treatment. And… That’s enough gematria.

I do, however, love midrashim (stories about Torah) and here is one for you as we wait for Shavuot on June 8-9, 2019.

When God was looking at different nations of the world to give the Torah, they all wanted to know what was in the Torah before they accepted the law.  It was only when God offered the Torah to the Jewish People that they realized its potential by saying to God, “Na’aseh V’nishma, “We will first obey and do, and then understand and listen,” (Shemot 23:7).  I have always said that Na’aseh V’nishma is the Ehrlich family motto. I am usually referring to myself as God and my law should be obeyed and then understood, obviously.

I realize now these words from the bible have become my personal motto. I’m not a doctor, but I trust my doctor’s and his team’s guidance and follow the regimen they have prescribed. And like the Jewish People receiving the Torah, I have first “done,” while I work to understand everything my body is going through. We talk about faith in an abstract sense frequently, but this is faith in its most concrete. I can’t say it’s been fun, but it’s added a layer to my relationship with Judaism.

Ehrlich's and one Leiter who Na'aseh V'Nishamah

I look forward to seeing many people over the summer.  Lakeside will soon be transitioning to Makom Solel-Lakeside over the summer and by the Fall our offices will be at the new campus.  See you at OSRUI, Lakeside or Makom Solel Lakeside! Now back to the rest of the Ehrlich’s and one Leiter obeying me, then figuring out why...

What a long strange trip it has been. Jerry Garcia

At Devil's Lake, Wisconsin at the top!

Mosh Bet 18

Last summer when I spent 2 weeks at OSRUI my unit took tiyulim, trips, every other week. These are not trips to the museum, these are rock climbing, hiking, biking, and canoeing trips. I went on the rock climbing trip with more than a dozen high school aged chanichim, or campers. These trips take a lot of preparation and planning, which falls on the shoulders of our madrichim, or counselors.  Everyone must work together to make it a successful tiyul. We cook together, hike together and of course hang out together. I had a good time. I especially enjoyed hanging with all the campers. We talked about the books they are reading, games they are playing, and how they can get cool stickers for your water bottle. In hindsight, I was pretty anxious for this trip, but in the end, everything turned out great. Without the support of the madrichim and even the chanichim, I am not so sure I would have such a positive outlook on this journey.

As I get ready for the next part in my cancer treatment, I realize there is connection between my camp journey and this new, slightly more medical, journey.  Next Tuesday, January 29th I will have surgery. This comes at the halfway point (as best we have planned) of my cancer journey, following 3 rounds of chemotherapy. There’s not a bone in my body that would claim this journey has been easy, but  with the support of many people working together, these past few months have been a little more bearable. Just like our madrichim took on the responsibility of planning, many of you, reading this blog today, have taken on the task of cooking meals, sending thoughtful cards, and making sure I get in my walking. In this next, surgical, stage I will have a  full hysterectomy and perhaps a bit more.

Someone asked me if I was afraid of what I’m about to go through and the answer is “no.” I am, however, anxious as I look into the future. I am a person who is used to planning, controlling, and then doing some more planning.  But as I prepare to let go of some of that, I know, once again, that I will have the support of those who have helped take on various responsibilities over the course of this journey. It will not be easy to just let go, but after talking and conferring with other people who have had this surgery I know that is what I need to do.

What I now know is that I will be in the hospital for 3-7 days and that I will be recovering at home for well, let’s just say, a while. I have known since the beginning that there would be more chemo in my future, but I’m working to accept that I cannot control the chemo plan will take shape. I am planning, however, to be at camp this coming summer, and with the support of my various teams I know I will make a recovery to work with my madrichim, chanichim, and faculty in Kallah Gimmel 2019!

Here are some other things I do know (I have to be in control somehow!):

Me in the wig

I have a wig now and wear it for special occasions, including leading t’filot, services, or going to parties.  I can’t imagine it will be that comfortable in the summer in the “natural air conditioning" of 600 Lac La Belle Drive we all love.

I still have some hair, but I am not sure the cold cap is in my future. Even with all the support, it still does not change the fact my head is set to a temperature of 32 degrees for about 7 hours! I will keep you posted.  

I continue to work at Lakeside and volunteer for both OSRUI and ARJE and thank everyone who has been so supportive as I make my way through this cancer journey. Not only do I love the work I do, it has been the distraction I need so that my life is more than doctors appointments, tests, and time in that cap.

On Tuesday we will post on our Lotsa helping hands site and will give updates.  My whole family thanks everyone for their support and will let you know when I am home and seeing visitors.  I know that I have your prayers and good wishes as I go into surgery.

To bring this full circle… When I went rock climbing in the summer I was very happy to get to the summit and even happier to get back to the campsite.  Just like I was ready to be off the mountain and back in camp, I will be happy to have the surgery behind me next week and look forward to saying Birkat HaGomel as I enter my journey of recovery. To this, you may ask, ‘what is benching Gomel?

Birkat Hagomel (pronounced beer-KHAT hah-GOH-mel), sometimes known as “benching gomel,” is commonly said after recovering from serious illness but can also be recited in gratitude for completing a dangerous journey.

This blessing for deliverance is typically recited in the presence of a minyan, or prayer quorum, often in the synagogue following the reading of the Torah.

Birkat Hagomel in Hebrew (courtesy of Sefaria)

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱלהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעולָם. הַגּומֵל לְחַיָּבִים טובות. שֶׁגְּמָלַנִי כָּל טוב

Birkat Hagomel in Transliteration and English Translation

Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, ha-gomel t’chayavim tovim she-g’malani kol tuv.

Blessed are You, Sovereign of the universe, our God, ruler of the world, who rewards the undeserving with goodness, and who has rewarded me with goodness.

After the recitation of this blessing, the congregation responds:

Mi she-g’malcha kol tuv, hu yi-g’malcha kol tuv selah.

May God who rewarded you with all goodness reward you with all goodness for ever.

We will let you know when we are benching Gomel. Just as your assistance along this medical journey has been indispensable, your prayers along this recovery journey will be just as important.

There are many types of medicine!

It's all in the Mishpacha, family, Mishpacha #NewmanStrong #OSRUI18: Give Now!

Camp Newman October 2017

This week with the news of URJ Camp Newman burning to the ground in the fire of  Northern California, Santa Rosa it got me to thinking about a few things.  I know that I would feel lost, sad and anxious if this happened to my camp, URJ OSRUI and I am an adult (maybe that makes it worst?).

I know that buildings do not make a place but the people do; I also know that a camp, any camp buildings also have memories and emotions attached to them.  I know that the camp leaders of Newman are meeting and working now to think about next summer.  This is not easy as they have not been let back into their camp as it is still smoldering. It is still not safe to go there.

Tzofim Beit T'filah, where I met my son in law

I think about our holy place Makom Kadosh, including our Beitei T'filah at OSRUI and it would be painful to think of it burning.  Just as at any summer camp at OSRUI our buildings, including our Chalutzim Moadon  was rebuilt with the old wood so that the names of the former chanichim were preserved for the ages to read.  When you pray in that Moadon, you see the history of the camp in the signatures of the campers.

When I pray in any of our Beitei T'filah I love the feeling that other campers have prayed in this same space.  It warms my heart to see madrichim singing and leading t'filot and remembering they were once campers in this same space.  In fact I met my son in law in one of these Beit T'filah at camp and that memory is one of my favorites.

I have spent hours and hours in our Beitei T'filah with family, friends and colleagues and when I was watching the news of Newman this week I was crying.  I know I was thinking about our camp too.

Kallah Beit T'filah

I have been haunted also by what I would have chosen from my own house if I had to leave because of fire.  I thought about pictures, computer, and some valuables.  In the middle of the night I woke up in a panic thinking that I would also have to take our passports and other important papers we have at the house.  I had never thought of that before.


I know Newman was able to get out their Torah scrolls and all of their staff is safe and for that everyone is profoundly thankful.  I know that the Jewish community will be supportive and generous for Camp Newman and if it so moves you here is the link to their fundraising to rebuild their camp and I would be remiss if I did not give the link to OSRUI as well.  I have a nice bet going this week with my west coast colleagues over the Cubs-Dodgers Playoffs.  I did pledge twice the amount to Newman if you were wondering and I will be sending a donation WHEN the Cubs win!

#BlogElul 16 Pray

I do believe that there is no wrong place to pray and this summer I did a blog post about just that when I was at OSRUI. You can in a small community, in a large community just by yourself,  If you are not feeling well in mind or body you can ask other people to pray with you of for you.  You can sing, play an instrument or listen to other singing.  I know I always feel calmer and happier after praying.  There are many studies which tell us that if you pray regularly it will improve your health.

Being in the month of Elul as we are to prepare for the High Holy Days what a great time to start praying with Religious and Hebrew school beginning this week.  Come and try out our Tfilah, service at the beginning of Religious school and don't forget our Friday night services.  We also have Torah study and t'filah on Shabbat morning!

Praying at camp and getting ready

I love praying with my community whether that be at Lakeside or camp.  I love singing the old tunes I know and more importantly learning new tunes that keep me and I believe everyone on their toes.  I hope to see my Lakeside chevre this week either Friday Night at Pot-Luck Shabbat, Sunday morning at the opening of Religious School or Tuesday for Hebrew school.







We are also praying this week for the safety of our friends in Florida and hope they will be kept out of harms way. As we gathered supplies for Hurricane Harvey I hope we will not have to do the same for Irma but we are prepared.

Photo Credit: Rabbi Phyllis Sommer

#BlogElul 2: Search

Every year I join with Rabbi Phyllis Sommer and try to blog Elul.  Elul is the month that proceeds the High Holy Days and it is a time we prepare for them.  (Tomorrow's cue is Prepare...more on prepare later).

Blogging Elul helps me to write more, blog more and just put my thoughts together during a busy time of year.  It is also a chance to participate in a project which links me to an even larger community.  It is a daunting task and this year I want to try and do this in smaller pieces.

Today's word Search makes me imagine searching for peace.  In our world filled with hate  and sometimes it takes searching for your own peace and where to find peace.  I know that this summer I have found peace as I always do at OSRUI and I think the place that is most peaceful at camp are the Beitei T'filah, where we pray.  Being able to pray twice a day is a gift when I am at camp.  It is right there, I don't even have to search it out.

I also find peace on vacation especially when we go to the ocean. This summer we were at Cape Cod went to the beach every day for a week.  I loved listening to the sound that the waves made as they crashed on the beach.  It is a soothing sound and a great place to take a nap.  It reminds me of the words of poem/song Eli, Eli:

This is my first blog Elul for 5777, Looking forward to a good month!

There is no wrong way to pray at OSRUI with guest editor, Brian Avner

Our Beit T'filah

From my time at OSRUI:

A beach, a game show and a song parody; what do they all have in common?   Can you imagine that the answer is t’filot, services, t’filot (clap)?  In Kibbutz HaTzofim Gimmel at OSRUI the answer is YES.  We have been given the golden opportunity to be as creative as possible as we plan daily t’filot with both campers and counselors.  

Each evening, one group of campers is asked to lead t’filot for the rest of Tzofim.  In preparation, they meet with a member of the faculty and their counselors to plan their service in their own, unique way. They are given different ways to personalize their t’filah.  They can pick an opening and closing song and what exact melody they want for any prayer from Barechu to Oseh Shalom.  We are always impressed that since we pray together twice daily, they know exactly which melody they want for each prayer or song.  

The other night, Tzofim had t’filot at the beach.  The impetus for doing t’filot there was that the va’ad (group) that was leading really enjoyed spending time at the beach and knew that being able to sit at the water and watch the sky over the lake could make for a truly spiritual experience.

Preparing for T'filah!

Another recent service was done in the style of a game show.  Instead of just introducing the prayers, the campers leading the service prepared trivia questions to ask the rest of Tzofim to teach them about the prayers as we went along.  Campers were engaged throughout the service and excited to play the game while they prayed.

At the Beach!

Campers always look forward to Shabbat at OSRUI. The are excited to join our procession with the Torah, the story we tell on Tzofim hill, and joining with the entire camp for Shabbat Shira. On Shabbat morning, after reading Torah, instead of a giving a traditional d’rash, we learn about the Torah portion through a song parody.  This past week we learned about Moses not being able to enter Israel and the daughters of Zelophechad fighting for early women’s rights in the Torah to the tune of the song Rude by Magic.

Looking ahead, other t’filot experiences this session will include:  Dodge Ball, Apples to Apples, Visual Arts and T’fifloat (at the pool). Come visit us in Tzofim Gimmel; we can’t wait to pray with you!

Segel from Tzofim:  Brian Avner, Director of Youth Education at Congregation Sinai in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Vanessa M. Ehrlich, Director of Lifelong Learning at Lakeside Congregation in Highland Park, Illinois.

Running into Summer: 2017

Many people ask me what I do over the summer.  Do I have vacation all summer?  No, how would Lakeside get all the books, curriculum, calendars and even pencils get put into place if not but over the summer.  We don't have Religious school or Hebrew school but we do have students who are tutored over the summer as they prepare for B'nai Mitzvah.  Of course we have weekly outdoor and special themed Friday Night Shabbat T'filot and Shabbat morning Bible study. 

This year I started off the summer season by attending the American Jewish Committee's Global Forum.  This year it was held in Washington D.C. and this is what the AJC does:

The AJC Global Forum is AJC’s annual policy and advocacy conference. The program includes a mixture of large plenary sessions featuring headline speakers and smaller breakout sessions designed to explore the key political, strategic, and social concerns affecting the future of world Jewry. At this unique gathering you will not only experience what it means to be part of a global people, but also engage in meaningful advocacy to advance the well-being of the Jewish community.

We heard many different speakers from Senator Chuck Schumer, U.S. National Security Advisor Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster, the Mayor of Atlanta, Kasim Reed and many other speakers.  There were videos from Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to winners of different awards of courage and unity.  I studied about Black-Jewish relations, Israel: BDS (Boycott, Divestments and Sanctions) and how to handle that on the college campus.  The conference was interesting and appealed to different types of learning with videos, speakers and smaller lectures.  Next year their conference will be in Jerusalem for a celebration of Israel's 70 Birthday.  

Today I went to OSRUI for the day during staff training week.  I worked with our madrichim, counselors to help them lead our Limudim, educational programs and Hebrew.  I am passionate about working with campers over the summer and am inspired by our madrichim's dedication to camp and our campers. 

Before I leave for camp I look forward to working on our upcoming year of programs and school at Lakeside.  Any new ideas give me a call.  I know we will have some surprises for you when school opens on Sunday September 10!  Enjoy your summer and come and visit us!